rick roberts
Harveysburg Oh USA
Male 68
rick's page
Types of boats you paddle (eg. kayak, raft, C-1, squirt, etc.): Prijon Rockit; Prijon Performance; Prijon Barracuda (touring), Prijon Touryak
First Season (year): 1999
Favorite Class: III
Favorite Runs: Potomac (Little Falls)
Don't remember not paddling, but it was all flatwater until a few years ago. My progress has been hampered by a series of orthopaedic surgeries that have kept me off the water far too much--summer of 2003 was my first summer not thus encumbered. Former Marine, ex-cop. Rick's take on the pros. Having had Luke Hopkins as a landlord was quite an eyeopener for me. Not only is Luke the best landlord I ever had and one of the nicest guys you'll ever run into, he is, for those who don't know, one of the world's best paddlers. A gifted paddler and a terrific human being. Luke has run stuff that gives me nightmares just seeing still pictures of. One night we sat on his back porch drinking beer, watching the deer, and reliving what had been, in our respective worlds, terrific days on the water. He'd been to some to some place in Wva, I'd been on the Potomac. Two things dawned on me: 1) I'd never, ever be anywhere as good a paddler as Luke, and 2) I was having as much fun on the river as he was. It's all about the fun. Founding member of the Harveysburg Paddling Club: We strive to efficiently revolutionize emerging paradigms, while synergistically facilitating value-added, seven-habits-conforming intellectual capital into a paddling infrastructure of globally cutting-edge solutions. And to form a clique and kick people out at will, for no good reason. To become a member of the HPC you must obey the following rules: 1) do not speak to Ronzo 2) drink his beer Unwritten rules of BT 1. Always read and heed the unwritten rules. 2. Don't do anything stupid unless there's someone to capture it on video 3. Don't air your dirty linen unless it smells better than the river or there's video 4. Whatever you find out about other BT'ers stays on BT unless there is an opportunity for blackmail. 5. Never ask for serious advice on this website as most of us are bored at work and value fucking with someone over actually giving good, reasonable advice. 6. Always proof your post so that readers won't think your a moron. (I liked this one because look how roscoe spelled "...you're a moron.") 7. Never ask for serious advice on this website as most of us are bored at work and value fucking with someone over actually giving good, reasonable advice. (I thought this one deserved repeating.) 8. Don't let your astericks write a check your ampersand can't cash 9. If BT'ers wave to each other, they are required to wave with all their fingers. 10. There is no unwritten rule number 10. Louie's corollary to rule 10. Gentlemen are not obligated to entertain Yankees. 11. Arguing on BT is like competing in the special olympics: Even if you win, you're still a retard. 12. Scout your drops before you 13. If you're going to run a drop wearing a bunnyhead, do it with dignity. 14. Personal attacks are warranted only if there is a potential of it leading to gratuitious sex. 15. Keep up, move on or something 'cause we gotta fast pace to keep here! 16. Never post a good-bye cruel BT letter the length of time before you'll want to defend Bush, God, or your sister will always be shorter than the length it will take everyone to forget you were supposed to be gone. 17. When wearing boating gear, the farther you are from your boat, the dorkier you look. 18. Never let the facts get in the way of a good trip report. 19. Just as each persons safety is their own responsibility, do not expect your paddling partners to protect your dignity. 20. Never buy a creek boat from anyone crazier than yourself. 21. Never let the facts get in the way of a troll 22. YOu can say anything as long as you conclude with, "Bless [ ] heart." Definitions TRIP REPORT. A narrative in which the fact quotient is inversely proportional to the difficulty of feats of derring-do allegedly performed; ex. "Nice trip report, but are you going to believe that Roberts ran [insert river here] and didn't swim?" def: Wilko sized trip report: A trip report written by Tolstoy; ex: "I picked up "War and Peace" yesterday and it was shorter than Wilko's trip report about the [insert river here]." def: paramita: A unit of measure equalling two mitas; ex. "One paramita is about 6 feet." def: lew-EEE: (1) A noise made while calling hogs to be fed; ex. "lew-EEE, pig, pig, pig, come and get it before we feed it to Ronzo." or (2) an expression of relief at having survived a drop; ex: "lew-EEE, did you see that line? What the &*^%$ was I thinking? Who's holding my beer." def: Beer: A unit of bribery; ex. "Dude, if you want me to believe THAT trip report, it's going to take a lot more beer." Guinness: The epitomy; ex: "That line was so smooth it was Guinness." Recipes: GROG 2/3 Cup DARK rum 1/3 Cup water Maple syrup cinnamon stick Put 1 tsp maple syrup in the water. Add the cinnamon stick and heat to nearly boiling. Pour into rum. Add a teaspoon or so of lime juice. Drink a toast to all your good vices. For an extra SPECIAL (Frigate Awl) grog use 1/3 C of Meyer's Dark Rum and 1/3 C of 151. Drink sitting down. Recirculating Eddy Make a Long Island Iced Tea except substitute a shot of Galliano for the cola. Foot Entrapment: Take a glass of unsweetened grape juice, like what is used to make grape jelly before the sugar and pectin is added. Flavor to taste with 151. Head boof: Hot spiced apple cider, 151 to taste. Raspberry Falls: Chocolate raspberry coffee and 151 to taste.