As a physician, I have seen alot of death. It is something you never get used to. Even when you know rationally you did everything possible to save someone, you still think if I could have only done a little more. You were brave and did all you could do. Try to concetrate on that. He was lucky to go doing what he loved. Every time I am in the ICU and see an older patient withering away with death only being slowed by IVs and ventilators, I think to my self that I hope I go doing something I love. God be with you during this time and know that Ryan is in a better place.
Tod